In Dreams

Since transitioning socially, I’ve had fairly regular anxiety dreams in which my hair has grown back to shoulder length and “turned me back into a woman”.


Again? Damn it! Where are my clippers?

Last night, however, I had a new kind of anxiety dream:


I’d used the wrong public bathroom. Unfortunately, there was no show-down as pictured above, just a sense of guilt and embarrassment. But at least my dream-brain seems to be working out where I’m supposed to be.

In other news, thank you to the pharmacist who “ma’am”ed me repeatedly this evening; the dysphoric feelings helped me switch off the self-doubt for a while.


You’re welcome.


  1. Gareth · February 17, 2015

    Sorry to hear about the ma’aming. Eugh. I did use a ladies’ toilet by accident once in a restaurant and didn’t notice until I left. I felt very relieved not to have been caught in the act. I ought to have known something was up, it was much more sanitary than the public toilets I usually encounter.


  2. blakeajax · February 17, 2015

    In my experience, the hygiene gradient isn’t as steep as it’s rumoured to be; it’s the location (eg theatre vs train station) that makes the real difference.


    • Gareth · February 17, 2015

      I’m sure you’re right. The old toilets on Platform 1 at Cambridge Station (now mercifully condemned) were sordid beyond description, quite the worst I’ve ever seen. And mirror walls all around. The memory makes me shudder. I think I’ll stop writing about toilet hygiene now.


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